Has a man ever told you he loved you, or let on that he was utterly taken with you after just a few dates?
If so, on one hand it probably felt flattering... After all, he must have felt something special for you to act this way.But on the other hand, you have to ask yourself- how do you know you can trust what he's saying, and that what he feels is real and will LAST?
For a man, "dating" a woman and loving her company in the first few weeks or months is NOT a guarantee that he'll want a long-term relationship.Maybe your last relationship started out this way- where the man seemed completely smitten with you at first... but then things quickly fell apart when it came time for something "real" to evolve and grow between you.
The thing is, when it comes to a committed and long-term relationship, a man will choose to commit to a woman on his own timeline, and for his own reasons.
A man WON'T commit because you told him he should, or because it's been however many months you've been dating, or because he's got to settle down eventually or else.
If you made the mistake of trying to progress in your relationship with a man by talking about these kinds of things I just mentioned, it's time you realized something important-
Talking about the weeks and months of your relationship as "proof" that you should be together and have more is the language of the MIND, and it won't get you anywhere with a man.
On the other hand...
When a man feels and knows inside on an EMOTIONAL level that you are the only one for him because of the way you interact with him- this is the language of his HEART.
Are you connecting with a man through the things that will lead his HEART into wanting more with you?Or are you hopelessly trying to convince his MIND that he should want more, because you're sensing he might not?
You probably already know that a man can start to "freak out" on you and pull away when you tell him you want your relationship to grow and progress.Don't let this accidentally happen to you, as it does for so many other women.
If you want to finally know:
-WHY it is a guy will do and say everything to get close to you at first... but then RUN when it comes time to commit.
-WHAT it is that both ATTRACTS a man to want more than just something "casual" with a woman
-HOW to go about creating these feelings of DESIRE and APPRECIATION inside the man your with so that he'll be begging you to commit and stay close to him... so, stay close for more on why he behaviours this way at some point in life.
Now......!!!!!!!
Is your relationship in jeopardy or under stress because of constant disagreements and arguments with your man where he doesn't seem to listen or care?
Are you worried that you can't seem to reach any common ground because every time you bring up what you're feeling or what you want, he gets IRRITATED with you?
As if YOU are the one with the problem?
As if you are wrong to disagree with him about anything, or wrong to say how you feel about something?
If you're like most sensible women, then all you really want is a little UNDERSTANDING.
I know how painful and frustrating it can be when the ONLY thing that seems to be getting in the way of a close and lasting connection with your man is some recurring misunderstandings.If only he could see things from your perspective, you KNOW it could turn things around in your relationship.
After all, you used to be close and loving in the beginning, but something has changed and now you seem to be fighting about the same things or stupid things... over and over.
Do me a favor.
Stop, take a deep breath, and listen up...
In this blog I am about to show you how to STOP this destructive cycle dead in it's tracks.
You see - there is something going on at the CORE of your situation that you aren't 100% aware of and can't put your finger on just yet... but it's the one thing that's at the heart of why there is so much misunderstanding taking place in your relationship.
Some women will do whatever it takes to try and get this one thing back when they sense it's not there.Some will tell a man everything is "OK" when it isn't, or they'll say they "don't care" when they really and truly DO.
Some will put aside their own needs in order to keep this strong.Most women aren't happy unless this one thing they can only sense on an intuitive level is there.
Do you know what that one thing is?
I'm talking about the CONNECTION you share with a man.
You can try and talk, reason, and plead with a man to improve or change things in your relationship...But if the CONNECTION you've been sharing isn't there, or there's something going on underneath the surface...something that is a result of things in the past... then there's no way you're going to have that free and easy feeling where you both know things are right between you.
Consider this:
How often have you felt "off" because you had a disagreement with a man and he left in an withdrawn, sullen mood?
I am willing to bet that despite putting on a "happy face" to your friends and co-workers, you worried about what was going on a LOT.You worried that something about the way you related to each other was going to be permanently damaged, and that your love was at stake.
And, most importantly, you didn't feel right inside until you could resolve things and "talk" it over.
Now you're starting to get what I'm talking about when I say the word CONNECTION.
It's because of the need and desire for an open and "flowing" connection that lots of women make a critical mistake in the way they communicate with the man in their life.
How does this happen?
The short version is that when something happens that makes them feel DISCONNECTED from their man, they get disoriented and frustrated emotionally.
And as this happens, they either:
A) Lose their composure and come unglued- not so much because of what's happened is so bad, but because of the bad FEELING they have inside as a result of feeling disconnected.
Or...
B) They don't SPEAK UP right away when something feels "off" or if they need a different response from a man IN THE MOMENT... and a strange feeling starts to build inside them until it comes out later in a way that causes the man to get upset and completely withdraw instead of listening to you.
For example, has a man ever told you of some plans he had to hang out with his friends, or travel somewhere by himself for whatever reason, and you PRETENDED to be perfectly "ok" with it because you didn't want to seem "needy?"
Maybe you hadn't been seeing each other much lately, and maybe he'd been distant, and maybe you needed him to WANT to connect with you and make plans with you...but you didn't say a word to him about the way you felt.
Because you didn't want to upset him by admitting that you really needed MORE from him than he was giving you.That's right, you didn't want to appear weak or needy and you thought you could just deal with it.+So you said nothing, and he went on his trip or out for the evening.
But then later, when he came back...
BAM!!
All those hurt, angry feelings came exploding out even though you didn't really know they were there... and maybe you fought over everything BUT what was REALLY bothering you.
So in a way, you STILL avoided telling him that it bothered you that he made plans without including you, because you were still protecting the connection (and your ego).
The reality is, if you don't find a way to both share your REAL FEELINGS, and do it in a way that makes your man open up... you won't be able to really "RECONNECT" with him.
And what you feel and later let slip will only create MORE resentment and contempt between you both.And that equals even MORE bickering and tension in the future.
Not good.
Now, back to it...
I'm about to give you 2 secrets that will improve the way you communicate and stop the downward spiral of fighting TODAY...
SECRET #1: CREATING A "SAFE SPACE" TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS AND FEELINGS
Women are often convinced that they can't be honest or talk to their man about what they feel or what they want because it will cause conflict in some way.
In a way, they're right.
A woman will wait and wait for the "right moment" to bring up a painful subject, tell the man she's upset, and inevitably the man responds by getting irritated and angry instead of being understanding and empathetic.
Unfortunately, too many women end up learning from this situation- but learn the WRONG LESSON.Too many women end up believing that sharing their feelings was the wrong thing to do. And they learn that next time, it's better to keep their feelings to themselves and not say anything.
WRONG.
This only feeds the ugly monster of miscommunication and DISCONNECTION.
Here's something you may not know about men, or even agree with, but it's true...
Men absolutely WANT you to be honest and straightforward with them.
This is what men like so much about the way they can communicate with each other.
And, in fact, it drives them nuts when you AREN'T open and direct.If they are planning something that you don't agree with, they want you to let them know AT THE START, as soon as possible, BEFORE it becomes a bigger issue or concern.
Not later, after a few hours or days or WEEKS of you stewing about it, only for it to come out at some other time when the man thinks everything is going fine.
Here's the beauty of telling a man what you think early on-
1. It allows you to communicate in a way that's less combative and negative than it would be if you were to have it faster in your mind for a while. Especially if he's already done/decided on whatever it was that you were dreading.
And here's a secret about how men like to talk and communicate that you need to remember-
Men don't "automatically" get upset when you let them know how you feel about something, like some women believe.
They get upset when they see that YOU are upset.
See, for most men, when a woman tells them something that isn't great about their relationship, the reason men get upset is that they take it VERY PERSONALLY.
When a man sees you upset, and you tell him about your hurt feelings, he'll instantly feel like you are BLAMING him- even though you might not be. (If you are, there's part of your problem right there! Stop it, or else...)
Men like to think and believe that the woman they're with respects them and sees them as a great man.
So when a woman shares something that isn't "perfect" that's going on, a man will take it as you thinking that HE is screwed up - and not just that something happened in your relationship that can easily be changed or improved in the future. Here's the thing... Whether you know it or not, the reason most men react negatively when you try and talk about your relationship is because they feel CRITICIZED by you.
Men want to know that you think they are perfect.And more importantly, men want to know that who they are and how they act PLEASES YOU.
That's why... when you tell them about something that's hurt your feelings or is "wrong", they feel like they aren't PLEASING YOU, and that you aren't happy with them.Of course, that's when a man will go to trying to "fix" whatever is wrong. Because he must find a way to make it right so he knows that he still pleases the woman in his life.
The thing that's most important to a man in a relationship is that he knows that who he is makes his woman HAPPY.
So, knowing all these important insights into how men think and feel, what can you DO with it to put it to use in your relationship?
To stop this cycle of a man feeling CRITICIZED, or like he doesn't please you, you first need to find a "safe space" before you talk and share your feelings with him.
And I mean "safe" in that telling a man what you think, feel and need will not jeopardize your connection, but instead make it stronger.
Here's your ACTION STEP to create this "safe" space for you, and for him:
Sit down with him today at some time when you're both settled and relaxed.
Then tell him that you respect his feelings, and that you appreciate the way he respects yours. (If you don't believe this right now, simply the act of communicating these words will have a profoundly positive effect on him and actually help create more respect and appreciation- because you get what you give!)
Then explain that communicating as early as possible and allowing that SAFE SPACE to tell each other how you really feel and that you need to be open and honest with each other in the moment is CRUCIAL to your happiness - yours AND his.
What you're doing here is essentially agreeing together to accept and allow for each others real feelings- REGARDLESS of whether they happen to please the other person in that moment.
Of course, by agreeing to this, you're not just agreeing to be able to state your true feelings.You're also agreeing to really and truly hear HIS FEELINGS too, whether you like them or not. And that means not going off the deep end emotionally if he tells you something you don't like hearing.
This kind of real and authentic honesty is the first step, and the one and only path to a real, secure, and lasting relationship where both partners know that their feelings are HEARD and RESPECTED..
SECRET #2: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS
It's not enough just to know that you need to communicate your needs early on with a man.
There's a secret to HOW to communicate that makes all the difference in how he'll react, and how open he'll be to LISTENING.Have you ever noticed that if you're in a neutral, quiet mood, and a friend calls and is all ecstatic about some good news, you will automatically start to smile and chuckle along?
Or if your friend calls and sounds depressed and negative, you will get off the phone feeling WORSE than you felt before they called?This is because emotions are contagious, and they usually transfer themselves from the strong emotion (joy, depression) to the less intense emotion (quiet, contemplative).
So why is this important to know when it comes to better communication and LESS ARGUING?
If you approach your man with an angry, upset or irritated attitude, he is less likely to respond to what you're saying, or even listen intently. He will just MIRROR your emotion.
It goes like this...
You're upset. You tell him how hurt you feel and you start to raise your voice and display a lot of angry body language like throwing up your arms.
He sees that body language, he hears your tone and in turn, HE becomes upset instead of really LISTENING to what you're saying.
He responds to what he perceives as an attack by getting defensive and angry in return.
He's not even doing this consciously. It's something that happens automatically.
Have you ever taken some non-refundable merchandise back to the store and put on an "attitude" with the clerk - and they became defensive and short with you as a result?
Compare that to going in with a calm, friendly attitude and maybe even some humor... how did they react then?Does it seem that people are more likely to "bend the rules" and listen and empathize when you approach them with a more positive emotional tone?
In the same vein, when it comes to talking to your guy, remember:
-Stay calm and controlled when talking about critical issues. If you're relaxed and assertive, he's more likely to be open to listening to what you have to say.
-If he says something hurtful, don't lash out. Instead, give yourself some space and let him know you won't tolerate that from him. If you stay calm and positive, he'll calm down and eventually realize what he said was either insensitive or wrong. The key is to give him the space to see your feelings, but not feel blamed or criticized by you for them- and he'll respond in a caring and nurturing way as a result.
In this way, YOU can affect how your conversation will go... whether it will spiral into fighting and negativity... or end up in a much closer connection and better understanding.
I just revealed a couple of insights into how you can stop the vicious cycle of negativity and miscommunication with a man, along with a specific way to renew your relationship with listening and honesty.
I hope you'll put these to use in your relationship today... whether it's with a man, or anyone in your life you want to reconnect with.When it comes to building a solid foundation for a great long-term, committed relationship, you have to be able to COMMUNICATE effectively and in a way that doesn't compromise your needs and feelings.
Otherwise, you'll end up feeling unappreciated and "unheard" in your relationship.
And not just that, but the feelings that will come from that will have a doubling effect of then putting more distance between you and your man and keeping you DISCONNECTED.
I want you to finally experience what it's like to have the kind of open, honest and emotionally authentic relationship that not only brings you and your man closer than you could ever become otherwise...
But have the kind of security and certainty about what's going on in your relationship and how your man is feeling that only comes from an amazing level of CONNECTION and COMMUNICATION.
Too many women mistakenly believe that they know how to create this kind of relationship because they have lots of feelings, and talk about them.
To have a great relationship and communication in it that inspires you and the man you're with at the same time, it takes a whole lot more than having feelings and talking.
It's takes learning to UNDERSTAND not just your own feelings, but also:
-How to help your partner understand you, and
-How to help your partner communicate HIS FEELINGS so he feels understood, too.
As you know, the patterns you have in your relationships are hard to break.
But not if you know how to change the very things that are holding your old and limiting patterns of communication intact, and how to replace them with something better and new.
If you're really serious about creating an open and SECURE relationship by staying permanently CONNECTED with the man in your life, then I want to show you how, and I've just the thing to make sure it happens for you...
If you're like most women I talk to... then you know that men are pretty BAD at telling you what they're thinking or feeling or what they want from your relationship.
And if you find that any discussion of feelings and problems results in more arguments, more silence and LESS openness and sharing, then you really have a problem on your hands.
If real honesty and understanding between you and your man is non-existent, then there is little chance that your relationship will last... or thrive.
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| If we had this kind of leaders,we could all be dead, ama |
Most women think they're great communicators simply because they are in touch with what they feel and they aren't afraid to express it.
But what frustrates them is that this "asset" doesn't quite help in getting their man to LISTEN and understand them.
What you need is not MORE TALKING...what you need is a strategy for communicating with a man in a way that creates the kind of environment where BOTH people can talk and share.
I wouldn't want you to miss out on this positive step toward reconnecting your relationship today:
My next topic is : Building emotional and interlectual attraction with him , keep in touch for more amazing tips on how to strengthen your relationship and love life.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Your Friend,
Sammy Kisinga Mwangangi.
